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ain't baroque! :||
Don't Fix It

Here is a list of my demands

I don’t work in the hospitality department at the music center, but I’m just a few cubicles over from the people who do, plus we share a refrigerator.

Sometimes I open said refrigerator and see impressive-looking foodstuffs labeled with an emphatic “DO NOT EAT.” Right now there is a fruit pie bearing these very words. This means that the food is intended for a visiting performer.

I hear some interesting stories about the requirements built into artists’ contracts, not just in the area of food but also the layout of the green room and the behavior of the audience. I’m going to be super-lame here and not name any names in the interest of not getting in trouble with The Man, but here are some anecdotes:

  • One pop star stipulated that the green room must be stocked with multiple specific types of alcohol, including some very expensive bottles of wine. She mostly didn’t drink it.
  • A combination actor-singer consented to a meet-and-greet before his concert, but he refused to take photos with individuals — groups only — and made one girl change her homemade fan shirt as it was dubbed a bit too amorous (okay, fair enough).
  • I’ve heard about quite a few performers who absolutely refused to allow anyone to enter the hall once the concert had started; anyone who was late would have to wait until intermission to take their seats.
  • Other requested items: black and white pillows, halogen desk lamps, a “comfortable” space (er, yes, but in what regard? No further details provided)

I may sound a little snarky, but it’s mostly just salt — no one ever asks me what kind of baked good I want when I arrive in a new town; of course, the only thing standing between me and acres of bread pudding is a dearth of talent and charisma. But it also makes me giggle, because somewhere out there is a musician who receives a fruit pie everywhere he goes.

All right, professional musicians and performers of all stripes, I know you’re out there in my sea of readership. Give me the list of your demands! And how about those who cater to the whims of others — what are the most ridiculous requests you’ve fielded?

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About Jenn

Despite being the former digital marketing intern at the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra, Jenn German does not like Mozart. Beethoven could've totally beaten him up. Also she has an arts management graduate degree from American University, but this changes nothing.

Discussion

5 thoughts on “Here is a list of my demands

  1. The one with the requirement that you have to wait until intermission to be seated sounds rather typical for classical–I had to wait to be seated when I was late getting to a place you’re probably very familiar with–the Meyerhoff (long story short, I couldn’t find the place and went through a nightmare asking Baltimoreans that really had no idea)! It was one of Hilary Hahn’s Baltimore debut performances of the Higdon Concerto. This was a year and a half before the CD came out in the US, so it was a brand-spanking new piece, and I traveled there from CT to hear it, but I missed probably almost the entire 1st mvt, and I had to hear it from the back of the hall standing. Nice, when I spent 63 bucks for a really nice seat. Oh well, it was okay sitting there when the orchestra then played Dvorak’s 5th Symphony, which I could have always heard.

    Posted by Chris McGovern | April 17, 2012, 9:02 am
    • Did you have to wait all the way until intermission, or just a break? Between movements, say, I could understand, but forcing people to miss an entire concert half seems unnecessary to me.

      Posted by Jenn | April 17, 2012, 9:14 am
  2. Yes Jenn, they made me wait until after the concerto was done. That piece and the Beethoven Egmont overture (which i also missed but remember from the program) were the only things in the 1st half of the concert, and I wasn’t going to go sit down while there was no music playing, I preferred to be in the lobby where HH was seated with Jenn Higdon signing programs.

    Posted by Chris McGovern | April 17, 2012, 9:24 am
    • – Hey Able,Nice set. Reading about having to get above all the cnorertgoecs’ hands and cameras I can’t help but comment. I didn’t know that was you standing behind me. In your first frame here I’m the tall guy bottom left frame do you remember those hands getting in your way? LOLI’m Roy Niswanger been a member on TPF for several years and I run motleypixel.comCheers,Roy

      Posted by gentel | May 27, 2012, 8:14 pm
  3. socks, a moderately ripe banana, and vodka.

    (at least that’s what I would ask for if I switched fields… Maybe someday as a lecturer ;))

    Posted by Sneaky | April 17, 2012, 11:42 pm

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