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Music gifts: For those who heard Mozart before he was big

We interrupt your regularly scheduled LOL Friday/Monday Video/Tuesday Whatever The Hell I Want to bring you three more music gifts while there’s still time to get them delivered by Christmas. After that I will resume posting my usual ridiculousness, as opposed to this unusual ridiculousness.

It’s your last music gift suggestion for the year, guys! And it’s a good one, if I do say so myself – suitable for a wide variety of people and a wide variety of genders. Not even my anti-Mozart stance can keep me from sharing this with you:

Mozart for one night only, guys! Quick, hop in your time machine and make a beeline for 1786! Then we can ALL say we knew about Mozart before he was cool. The concert tee print comes as either a t-shirt or a hoody over at Threadless, and it looks like they’re having a sale today, so I’d hurry if I were you. The perfect gift for… just about anyone who likes classical music, really!

Can’t overcome your dislike of Mozart? It looks like the Chopin and musical typewriter shirts from last year are still available.

If that’s not punny enough for you, the Ain’t Baroque store has you covered – t-shirts to inform people they can’t see you ’cause you’re Haydn, that you’ve got to go but you’re Offenbach, and more; plus stickers, mugs, etc. etc. Check it out!

Music gifts: For more musical dinner parties

We interrupt your regularly scheduled LOL Friday/Monday Video/Tuesday Whatever The Hell I Want to bring you three more music gifts while there’s still time to get them delivered by Christmas. After that I will resume posting my usual ridiculousness, as opposed to this unusual ridiculousness.

Okay, I admit it; the theremin I suggested last week was a little expensive. I can make it up to you now, I promise:

Musical wine glasses! And at $65 for what appears to be two wine glasses, it’s a LOT cheaper than the theremin, although admittedly kinda expensive for wine glasses. But look, these wine glasses are special – they’re musical!

Along the side they’ve helpfully printed note markers, so if you want to tink your fork against you glass and hear a D natural, you simply fill the glass to the D natural marker and go to TOWN on that boy. Line up a couple and recreate that scene from Miss Congeniality! Find them at Firebox.

Still not cost-effective enough for you? Not a problem – check out the Ain’t Baroque store, fine purveyor of Beethoven stickers (you did notice that it was his birthday yesterday, right?), terrible music puns, and Russian composer cows.

Music gifts: A music box by YOU

We interrupt your regularly scheduled LOL Friday/Monday Video/Tuesday Whatever The Hell I Want to bring you three more music gifts while there’s still time to get them delivered by Christmas. After that I will resume posting my usual ridiculousness, as opposed to this unusual ridiculousness.

Calling all composers and people who are part of a couple that have Our Song! This music gift is for you:

I know, it looks like a boring ol’ make-your-own-music-box kit. And if you want to just slap the included “Happy Birthday” sheet inside and call it a day, you can do that. BUT! It also comes with three blank sheets and a hole punch, so you can punch your own music!

Got your own personal composition? Include it. Want a music box that plays some of the more twelve-tone-y Schoenberg? You can have that too! Your giftee can hear any work your little heart desires; or leave it blank and let them create their own. And you even have the option to purchase a refill pack if you want to punch more pieces. The kit itself runs you $14.99 at ThinkGeek, with $4.99 for the refill packs.

Looking for something a little less labor-intensive? Why not investigate the Ain’t Baroque store? Trust me, you’ve never seen so many music-related puns and insults to violists in your entire life.

Music Gifts: For the sci fi score composer in all of us

It’s really tough to give an instrument, isn’t it? I mean, for starters, a good one is going to run you several thousand bucks, plus you have to try to take into account the personal preferences of the recipient. Do they like a bright sound or a darker tone? Who knows!

So why not give the gift of FUN sound? With no pressure – I mean, who plays theremin professionally? (Seriously, does someone play theremin professionally?) What’s a theremin, you ask? Why, this is!

And this is what it sounds like:

I know what you’re thinking right now. You’re thinking two things: 1) Ohhhhh, so that’s where the soundtrack to every ’50s sci fi B movie came from! 2) I WANT TO PLAY ONE. So do we all. And so would anyone on your gift list, don’t you think? Especially a composer – who wouldn’t want to try adding some theremin to their score?

Mind you, this theremin runs you $420 at Urban Outfitters, but that’s still a fraction of the cost of a good violin. Trust me, I know.

A little too pricey for your taste? Why not investigate the Ain’t Baroque store? Tons of t-shirts, magnets, cards, and Beethovens wearing hats. Click here! You know you want to!

Music Gifts: Don’t get your panties in a twist

Boys! Boys, boys, boys. I do hope you don’t feel bad, with all the sartorial attention the girls get. It’s just so easy to locate pretty music dresses and clutches and shoes and all that fun stuff. But you don’t think I would just abandon you, do you? You want musically themed clothing, too. Behold!

Why, yes! Yes, those are boxer-briefs printed with sheet music all over them. And I know – you want them. Think how massively your concert experience would improve if you always wore these out to your musical endeavors! Sure, you’d be the only one who knew, but speaking for myself, I’d never stop giggling.

You can find these on the U.S. Asos website for about $25 – not too shabby, eh? Perfect for your husband, boyfriend, best guy friend, or brother; probably not appropriate to give to your music teacher. Depending on what kind of message you want to send.

Looking for something absolutely acceptable as a gift for your band instructor, orchestra director, or choir leader? Look no further than the Ain’t Baroque store – t-shirts with puns! Angry viola stickers! Cards featuring Beethoven eating cake! Click and watch as all your gift-giving dreams come true.

Music Gifts: Wear your music on your sleeve

Mind you, these dresses are sleeveless, but it can still work.

And now it’s time once again for everyone’s favorite series: Music Gifts! Every week up until Christmas [and other holiday eligible too of course] I’ll be bringing you a music-themed gift for everyone on your musical list. Let’s start with the easiest – the girls.

Yes, I said the girls are the easiest. Trust me. All you need is this:

See? Done. Covered in music notes, figure flattering, a little sexy while still suitably modest. You can get it for $80 over at ModCloth, where you can also find this dress covered in sheet music, which I was going to feature also but it’s out of stock (click anyway if a sheet music dress sounds like your thing; they get stuff back in stock now and again). Either one would be great for a regular concert-goer or someone who works in the music industry – everyone loves the well-themed girl!

Looking for something a little cheaper and/or less exclusively for girls and cross-dressers? Check out the Ain’t Baroque store, where you can find stickers, t-shirts, mugs, magnets, and more, featuring some of your favorite AB characters (cake-eating Beethoven and Yuri the Angry Viola, I’m looking at you).

Third year’s the charm

Good morning, Ain’t Baroque! It’s your birthday! You’re THREE!

I know, I know. You feel so old. Why, one year ago you were only two, and I was still clarifying the bloggy mission. This year, let’s look back at some of your accomplishments, shall we?

Well, as of exactly right now, you’ve received a grand, three-year total of 58,546 hits. You garnered over 30,690 hits over the past year, with the most impressive individual day being January 21 – 4,455 hits. What post got everyone all excited that day? “For all those paralyzed by choice.” Apparently a lot of people need help choosing their instrument – aren’t you proud to have been such a big part of that?

Good job, little Ain’t Baroque! Who knows what you’ll make happen next year! In celebration, let’s gaze upon this picture of Beethoven demanding birthday cake. Some things are worth doing twice.

(I know, I know, greatest image ever. You can find it on cards and mugs and stuff at the AB store.)

What would you like to see happen to AB in the coming year?

Music Gifts: Books are in actual stores!

And because books are in actual stores, you can general find them locally, thus reducing wait time and making them great for last minuteness.

If you find yourself staring down a holiday deadline and needing a gift for a classical music neophyte or just somebody who wants to build out the contents of their iPod, why not consider The NPR Guide to Building a Classical CD Collection: 350 Essential Works?

Far from just a straight-up listing, each recommended piece is thoroughly considered and discussed, so that your recipient can make an informed purchasing decision. Amazon’s reviews give it a thumbs-up, and did I mention books are great for making deadlines?

Or if you’re not afraid of shipping costs, why not investigate the AB store? You’ll never see Beethoven happier than when he’s in a party hat.

There. That’s my collection of music gifts for 2011. Go forth and conquer!

Music Gifts: More wearable options

We interrupt your usual Thursday viola joke/Friday LOL/Monday video schedule for a few additional music gifts so that you can order anything you like in time for the holidays. I’ll make it up to you next week, I promise.

Didn’t like Thursday’s Kanye Bach t-shirt? Well, if you were offended by that, you probably won’t like these that much either.

Exhibit A: Chopin! His hands are on FIRE! Also comes in a girl-cut and a hoodie! Perfect for the pianist or Chopin enthusiast in your life! Currently $10 in its shirt form!

Exhibit B: This is also a t-shirt! But the t-shirt shots obscured the message! Being that the typewriter isn’t typing letters, it’s typing notes! Perfect for the theory student in your life! Same deal as the other one!

Whew! We’re in the home stretch. One more music gift to go and then we can get back to videos and jokes and LOLs and other fluffy holiday spirit stuff. Or if you’re not done shopping, check out the AB store — lots of nifty stuff and ways to insult violists there, I promise!

Music Gifts: Pairs well with alcohol and Elmer’s glue

We interrupt your usual Thursday viola joke/Friday LOL/Monday video schedule for a few additional music gifts so that you can order anything you like in time for the holidays. I’ll make it up to you next week, I promise.

And now for a music gift so amazing, it has dual purposes!

Music pasta! Pasta shaped like little notes and treble clefs and stuff!

No, this totally works. You can:

• Use it as a hostess gift. Add any one of the multitude of music-themed alcoholic beverages, and you will be very popular at the party.

OR!

• Add glitter, glue, and a paper plate, and you’ve got your second grader’s next music class project on lock.

So if the hostess at your next party has a second grader, you know what to do. It’s $6.95 at Amazon, but you can probably find it elsewhere, even in alternate iterations. Happy hunting!

Alternatively, you might consider this t-shirt from the AB store. I mean, people shouldn’t worry when you leave, because you are Offenbach, right?