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Never mind the streets of gold

Q. How many violists does it take to pave a driveway? Continue reading


There Are Many Princes, But There Is Only One Concert Roundup

Man, but I love Beethoven.

  • You’re mocking me. I just know you’re mocking me, Baltimore Symphony Orchestra, titling this week’s concert “Beethoven and Mozart.” Is it the Composer Cagematch! thing? Is it just because you can’t resist needling me? And then tossing Schubert in there too, trying to appeal to my soft side. Sigh. I guess it worked. Mozart‘s Symphony No. 40, Beethoven‘s Piano Concerto No. 3, Schubert‘s Symphony No. 6, my emotional roller coaster. May 31 at Strathmore; June 1 & 2 at the Meyerhoff. [ See it! ]
  • Let’s go over here to the National Symphony Orchestra now, because I’ll be at that concert! Yay! And why will I be there? Why, only for the greatest symphony ever written, of course! I’m talking about Beethoven‘s Symphony No. 7 (SLOW MOVEMENT SLOW MOVEMENT SLOW MOVEMENT) (FINALE HORNS) (SQUEE). Oh, yeah, also a newly commissioned work by Shepherd and Richard Strauss‘s Der Rosenkavalier, but let’s not pretend we don’t know what’s really important here (BEETHOVEN’S SEVENTH). May 31 – June 2. [ See it! ]
  • This week at Strathmore, a smart, funny singer-songwriter takes the Mansion, plus Broadway legend Tommy Tune. [ See the calendar! ]

Composer Cagematch!: Playing In

It wouldn’t have been fun to let them in from the beginning, you know? They would’ve swept away all of the competition without the slightest question, and where’s the challenge in that? But then also, it wouldn’t really be a solid Composer Cagematch! without them, would it? Far better, then, to let the others fight it out and then bring in the big guns in the end.

And that’s what we’re going to do. So it is with great pride and pleasure that I say that in this corner, I can certainly believe it! It’s


And in this corner, remind him to give the horns something to play! It’s


But wait, there’s more! Because over here in this other ring we just realized we also had: in this corner, I still can’t believe it! It’s


And in this corner… tee hee… oh, this is gonna be fun…


After this one, guys… THE FINAL FIGHT.

A step over the line

Here at Ain’t Baroque Valuable Information Services, Ltd., we like to keep our readers informed. So please heed the following:

  1. Spray-on sunscreen must be applied VERY CAREFULLY, or else it will turn out later that you completely missed half your body and you’re now suffering from a condition I’d like to call Back of Legs On Fire.
  2. Drugstore trail mix seriously shortchanges you on the nuts.
  3. Know your audience.

Right. Happy Memorial Day!

Kvetch, kvetch

This positively magnificent Friday LOL is brought to you by none other than intrepid interplanetary explorer Rebekah. You keep being awesome, my friend.

Creative solutions

Q. How do you get two violists to play in unison? Continue reading

We Meet Again, Concert Roundup

Welcome back, cats and kittens! Let’s round up some concerts.

  • FREUDE! The Baltimore Symphony Orchestra has excellent taste. I know this because this week they’re performing Beethoven‘s ninth symphony. Aha! You’re paying attention now, aren’t you? Also in the offing: Bruckner‘s Te Deum. May 24 & 25 at the Meyerhoff; May 26 at Strathmore. [ See it! ]
  • No National Symphony Orchestra concert this week.
  • Don’t forget about the Strathmore calendar – there’s always something going on; this week there’s a soprano performing Italian arias! [ See the calendar! ]
  • Speaking of Strathmore, they’re currently scheduling auditions for the very first iteration of their new children’s chorus. Ages 8 through 16 are eligible, and auditions will be help on June 23, July 15, and August 18. Your kid could be a charter member! To make an appointment, email cguerra@strathmorecc.org.

In the immortal words of Marvin the Paranoid Android

“Pardon me for breathing, which I don’t do so I don’t know why I bother to say it anyway, oh GOD I’m so depressed.”

I think I may have used that one before, but whatever. I don’t have time to worry about such things; I just got back from Walt Disney World and I will be spending the rest of this regular, humdrum, real-life week mere seconds away from bursting into tears. In an effort to combat this near-inevitability, here’s an absurd video in which pianists take off their clothes. You’re welcome.

A way to go (and away I go!)

Oh, hey guys! I was going to tell you something before today’s viola joke… let’s see, what was it…

I’m going to Walt Disney World! Again! Like that one time! And that other time too! And that time I kind of went but not really! I’m not crazy, honest.

A short trip this time, though; I leave this afternoon and will return on Tuesday with a Not Monday Video. Don’t forget to vote in the Composer Cagematch! Voting will still close on Saturday at midnight as per usual and Piotr and George need you. And make sure you’re following me on Twitter in case I find something musically interesting while I’m there (which I always do).

Anyway. Laugh:

Q. How does a violist’s brain cell die? Continue reading

Concert Roundup: Wednesday Edition

For some reason I keep thinking it’s Thursday; I almost posted a viola joke. Wishful thinking, I guess.

  • The Baltimore Symphony Orchestra breaks out the BSO Pops with “Music of the Baby Boomers.” So I’m not the target audience. Apparently Frankie Valli is happening; you mean it’s not spelled “Valley”? Live and learn, I guess. May 17 at Strathmore; May 18 – 20 at the Meyerhoff. [ See it! ]
  • The National Symphony Orchestra counters with a very classical program: a Haydn symphony, a Weill symphony, and the Brahms second piano concerto as performed by Nelson Freire. May 17 – 19. [ See it! ]
  • This week at Strathmore, we offer two counts of Debussy, a brass ensemble, and a talented soprano. [ See the calendar! ]