The principal violist of the local symphony orchestra called the local chapter of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals to report his neighbor for abusing an octopus. PETA sent out representatives immediately since this was obviously going to be a major news event. The news crew simply turned off the camera and left when
the offending individual answered the door wearing kilts and carrying his bagpipes.
I’ve eaten octopus before; recently, in fact. Had it fried like squid. It was pretty good!